Breakfast at Emily’s

You know what I love most about weekends? Sure, not working, having all day to do stuff you like, and sleeping in is great, but I look forward to breakfast. During the week I have to be good and eat boring yogurt and bananas. I even had to cut out muffins because I began looking like one, but the weekends are mine to enjoy my favorite meal, breakfast. And what makes breakfast soooooo awesome? Chocolate of course!

As you may have read on this blog before, I HATE being told when I can and can’t eat chocolate. Particularly when people say that it’s not a breakfast food. Since you are reading this, you are probably on my side when I say that I think those people need to be committed in a chocolateless asylum on some island somewhere. That said, I have a couple of great suggestions for how you can enjoy Emily’s chocolates even in the morning.

The “Best Smoothie on the Planet (if the Long Name of This Smoothie Tells You Anything)” Smoothie

If you work out in the morning like I tell people I do, then you need the protein and energy to get through your workout without something heavy bogging you down. This smoothie does the trick and doesn’t taste like you hate your mouth like some green drinks do.

You will need:

• 1 Blender
• 1 cup Almond Milk
• 5 cubes of ice
• 1 banana
• 5 to 10 chocolate covered strawberries
• Plenty of panache

Put the ice in first, then the almond milk, and then the peeled banana. Start blending and when your sure stuff isn’t going to shoot out of the top of the blender, take the little plastic cap off of the top and add the chocolate strawberries one by one. Don’t put your fingers in there while the blender is on because finger isn’t part of the recipe.

Drink in front of a mirror so that you can get the full effect. Make sure you leave a mustache…that IS part of the recipe (the panache part).

Emily’s Blueberry Pancakes

These are the types of pancakes that you might expect on mother’s day, but really, you’re better than that. These are Sunday pancakes. Mother’s day pancakes should have a filling that reflects your true fabulousness, like a giant pancake with a car in it. But I digress, these pancakes take the best of what you expect out of blueberry pancakes and chocolate chip pancakes (the two best pancakes out there in my mind) and makes Sunday special.

You will need:

• 1 Blender
• 1 ¼ cups milk
• 2 tbsp cooking oil
• ½ tsp salt
• 2 tbsp brown sugar
• 1 cup all purpose flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• Bag of chocolate covered blueberries

Put all of the wet stuff in the blender first (milk, oil, eggs) then blend slowly and add the salt sugar. Mix the flour and baking powder together and add slowly, put top on, and blend at high speed for a few seconds. Let sit for about 2 to 5 minutes while you heat the frying pan or griddle. It will rise a little in the blender.

Heat a pan or griddle and add a little cooking oil so that it coats the surface. Slowly pour pancake mix to avoid splash and to make perfectly round pancakes. Push chocolate blueberries into the mix (five or ten per pancake depending on the size). Once the pancake is nice an brown on one side, flip and cook evenly.

French Café Croissants

Here at Emily’s, we’re not so hoity-toity as to think that we can instruct you on how to make a perfect light and flaky french pastry from scratch. So our version involves cans and hammers.

You will need:

• Tube of croissant dough (crescent roll dough)
• A plastic freezer bag
• A meat tenderizer or mallet
• 1 Bag of chocolate covered almonds
• 1 Bag of chocolate covered cashews

Open the tube and roll out the dough. Pour the two bags of almonds and cashews into the freezer bag and seal. Take the mallet and pound on them softly so that they are about the consistency of fish tank gravel. Pour onto the open roll of pastry. Push it in lightly. Roll back up. Follow directions of portioning and cooking on the package.

It sounds simple because it is, but they come out absolutely great and change the whole dynamic of the pastry to something even classier than normal croissants, which are pretty classy anyway.

Wake Up and Smell the Chocolate

See? Chocolate isn’t just for lunch and dinner and miday and late afternoon and evening snacks anymore. It’s one of those versatile all day foods that deserve to stand alongside the breakfast mainstays like eggs, bacon, and potatoes. Grab a bag and experiment. Send us a recipe and we’ll post it here and totally give you credit. We’ll even put a picture up of the finished recipe if you send us one. We don’t know if anyone famous reads our blog, but maybe they’ll steal it and put it on their cooking show and not give you credit. However, you will have it officially archived right here. Take THAT famous chefs!

Other items we have that you could probably cook with:

• Chocolate Covered Cherries
• Chocolate Covered Hazelnuts
• Chocolate Cocoa Dusted Pecan Halves

Like Monsters For Chocolate

Forget Halloween, when I was a kid I thought there was a monster under my bed all year round. It was a cross between a blob and werewolf…sort of a hairy smooshy type thing with fangs and galoshes (don’t ask me, I was six at the time). One day I told my brother about it and he said he’d check it out. He looked and found nothing. The next night I happily put my nightgown on and started climbing into bed when suddenly the monster grabbed my ankle and started dragging me under the bed. It was horrific. As you might have guessed, the monster was my brother. Though I love him, I have yet to forgive him for that.

Out of this life-altering trauma, even Halloween episodes of the Simpsons freak me out. I came to the conclusion that I cannot stop monsters from getting me without plying them with something that I love, namely, chocolate. Since then I kept a piece of chocolate on my bed stand every night. Of course, as I became older, more mature, and rational I began to realize that not all monsters like the same types of chocolate.

So I did some research and below are the results (note: “data” and “facts” are based on stuff I made up since my research yielded nothing).

What Emily’s Chocolates Protect Against What Monsters?

For a monster, liking chocolate is secondary to their favorite foods consisting primarily of children and 19^th century peasants. Since this is the case, it is very lucky for me that I am now a fully grown woman with only a very small chance of dying of the plague. However, there are still monsters to contend with and the key is to know what kind of chocolate they like and, most importantly, have it on hand.

Mummies – Not all Mummies are from ancient Egypt, but the cursed ones are. That’s why it’s important to know what kind of fruits and nuts they had in ancient Egypt. Luckily I do and that’s why I have a bag of chocolate covered cherries and chocolate covered almonds on hand.

How to feed a mummy chocolate: Everything you need to know about mummies is in the movies. I chose the Abbott and Costello for my research and found that mummies A) do not come from under beds, but from the second scariest place in the bedroom – closets — and B) are painfully slow. So my strategy is to let the mummy chase me around the bed a few times, look into the camera comically, and throw a handful of the chocolate into his mouth as he’s letting out his long drawn out mummy moan.

Vampires – If Twilight or Tru Blood has shown us anything, it’s that you don’t run from vampires, you date them. But those aren’t the types of Vampires that are going to visit me or you, nope, it’s the REAL vampires. I’m talking about the scary ones with the cool capes and all of the “blaw-blaw-blaw”-ing. Through my research I found that vampires love chocolate because of the original vampire, the mysterious Count Chocula.

How to feed a vampire chocolate: Count Chocula taught us mortals that they will eat chocolate before they eat you. So my strategy is to feed the next vampire I encounter chocolate covered espresso beans so that they will stay up from all of the caffeine way past their bedtime and burn to death as the sun comes up. Well…that’s the theory anyway…this was well explained in Interview with the Vampire.

Witches – They just need to wiggle their noses to get all of the chocolate they want. If they’re in your closet or under your bed, then they are probably stealing your clothing and shoes.

How to feed a witch chocolate: Give it to them and they won’t cast a curse on you hopefully.

Werewolves – The chances that a werewolf will jump through your window are minuscule since they prefer to hunt in the woods, but keep in mind that they ARE naked howling men, so I wouldn’t put it past them. If this does happen, one thing I know for a fact is that chocolate is to werewolves what kryptonite is to Superman. Why? Because werewolves are dogs and chocolate and dogs don’t mix.

How to feed werewolves chocolate: One thing you need to know is that peanut butter will keep a dog occupied forever. Another thing you need to know is that, like dogs, they’ll eat anything in crunchy cookie form. That’s why I suggest you throw it a chocolate covered peanut butter cookie. Once the thing is done licking the peanut butter from the top of its mouth, it’ll be dead. If the werewolf actually turns out to be your overly-hairy husband then don’t worry, perhaps the peanut butter will keep him from snoring so loudly. We discourage you from trying this on actual dogs, but if they’re crawling through your window, chocolate may be your only defense (that..and running).

Aliens – One of my biggest fears in life is to be abducted by aliens. Particularly those little grey aliens with the big heads and obsidian black eyes. My fear doesn’t come from the fact that they might impregnate me with an alien-human hybrid; I already have one of those, he’s going into third grade this year. I’m not even afraid of a long trip into the emptiness of space. It sounds a lot more relaxing than where we went on vacation last year, Disneyland (the loudest place on Earth). Nope, my fear stems from the fact that I have no idea whether aliens eat chocolate.

How to feed aliens chocolate: Since I have no clues as to how or what kind of chocolate aliens eat, I suggest you use the chocolate to trick them long enough for you to get away. Here’s some suggestions:

• Take a bunch of chocolate covered strawberries, stick them in the microwave for five seconds until they’re just smooshy enough to form into a ball. Hand the big ball to the alien and say, “This is my brain, you can have it,” then run.
• Stick a chocolate covered cherry to your sleeping husband’s forehead and yell, “Take him! He’s got a third eye!”
• Spread a bunch of chocolate blueberries under the window. They’re round. When the aliens climb through they’ll slip because even though they’ve mastered the ability to travel hundreds of light years through space, they most likely can’t overcome a blueberry trap.

Protect Yourself From Monsters This Halloween

I know that the thought of giving monsters chocolate so that they won’t eat your face is somewhat unsavory, but it must be done, because they exist and nothing is going to change that. They also love Halloween because they can blend in and not be noticed, so keep your chocolate close. We care about your safety.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM THE WHOLE EMILY”S FAMILY!

Halloween Chocolate: Can We Please Have Some Choco-Dignity People?

Halloween is near! I…am…so…EXCITED! I totally remember as a little kid getting dressed up like Geraldine Ferraro mixed with my Wonder Woman gold arm bracelets from the costume the year before (for protection) and casting out into the neighborhood with my mom.

I was serious about it too. I carried a pillowcase, no teeny-weeny plastic pumpkin head for me. That gave people the wrong impression. I wanted to fill that whole pillowcase. That’s why I would drag my mom to the undiscovered (for me at least) regions of our neighborhood seeking someone…anyone, with good taste in chocolate. Quantity raised my chances of finding quality. Even as a small child, I had standards.

That’s why I would also hit the mall. In my childhood the local mall had two chocolate shops and they knew me. They would only give out one tiny chocolate, but I savored it. I knew it was better than any mass-produced chocolate (or even worse sucker *shiver*) that entered my pillowcase.

Suckers? Really? Come-on people, show some dignity! How many kids do you get now-a-days, twenty at the most? You give them a 1 oz bag of chocolate covered blueberries and guaranteed the kids will honor your property. Not-only will they NOT desecrate your pumpkins or egg your house, they will create a human shield against those who are considering it.

Have Some Chocolate Mercy, It’s For the Children

If you’re a parent with little kids then you know that it’s hard to predict which child is going to be excited about Halloween, but if you have a “Halloween child” then it quickly becomes one of best times of the year, even better than Christmas in some respects. They get so excited, the costume process starts in September and you can use the Halloween threat of taking it away to control their behavior for a whole two months. It’s awesome. But that effort needs to be rewarded, and great chocolate is part of it.

Dressing up – When kids costume-up, there is some serious fantasy going on. No messing around. Whether he wants to be Iron Man or she wants to be Smurfette, they ARE those things for the next few hours. Don’t fight it. Multitasking the dual efforts of fighting crime and collecting candy takes serious concentration on a child’s part. It should be rewarded by a yummy chocolate fortune cookie at least. It’ll help them learn how to read.

Walking around – I dressed in the mandatory princess outfit one year and wanted to wear high heels. My mom refused. I freaked out. Boys will wear sneakers to bed, so wearing them with a costume it’s not biggy. Princesses, on the other hand, never touched them. Then my mom showed me the pictures of the Princess Di and Prince Charles’ wedding. She told me that Di was wearing sneakers under her dress and that’s what all princesses secretly wore. I believed her. Sure, I’m an idiot, but an idiot with two perfectly good working ankles thanks to her.

Begging – Getting free stuff by going door-to-door and yelling trick or treat is akin to asking for spare change, but there are also huge differences. One, the person asking for spare change isn’t being shadowed 20 feet away by their parents. Two, they don’t (or rarely) dress like a Mutant Ninja Turtle. Three, there’s a pretty good chance that the kid trick or treating this year will be knocking on your door next summer asking to mow your lawn.

Tricks vs. Treats – Treats are great. To me, that’s what it was all about. Sure, dressing up was fantastic, but was definitely more about the treats. However, there’s always that one jerk that puts you on the spot and says “Trick!” So, there you are left standing on their porch floundering like a moron with nothing to give. It’s the worst feeling in the world. So I have prepared my children for that event. You might think I coached them into putting together a little impromptu flash mob type dance or a song or something. WRONG! I imbued them with logic.

My Kids: “Trick or treat!”

Jerk: “Trick. (arrogant snicker)”

My Kids: “Hey, we’re making the requests around here! So if you don’t have a treat, stop wasting our time and show us a trick, and it better be good or we’ll tell everyone you have face cooties!”

Going to the mall – As a kid, Halloween at the mall combined my two favorite things, chocolate and shopping. Most stores had some kind of candy and if they didn’t, for the rest of the year I would remember not to shop there. Call me fickle, but to me, heaven IS chocolate and shopping. If I can eat chocolate and shop for eternity, I’ll put up with painfully sprouting wings, having to learn how to play the harp, and having that glowing halo keeping me up all night. Just as long as there’s chocolate covered almonds. If there aren’t, then I might consider going the reincarnation route.

Empty reactions to crappy costumes – I remember going to doors wearing a fantastic costume and having to walk up to the door with some kid wearing two holes cut in a sheet who just happened to wander up to the house at the same time. I just wanted to yell, “Trick or treat…and I’m not with this kid, I don’t even know who’s under there and I don’t wanna know!” But instead, I gave a half hearted trick or treat because I knew that kid would get the same reaction to his costume as I would to mine regardless of the effort. “Oh you’re both soooo cute!”…oh, save it. Life is not fair.

HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE HALLOWEEN FROM THE WHOLE EMILY’S FAMILY!!!

Halloween is a celebration of being able to fanaticize and having fun with friends and family. Seeing your kids running around acting crazy is fantastic and something you never forget. The occasion is worthy of celebration by eating excellent chocolate. Give them an Emily’s chocolate before they go out. It might help quell the candy frenzy…then again, maybe not.

Please send us pictures of your kids in their Halloween costumes or you in your Halloween costume and we’ll post them on our blog.

No Tricks Here, Just Treats:

• Dark Chocolate Treats
• Milk Chocolate Treats
• Cookie Treats

When Should I NOT Eat Chocolate?

Do you remember when you were a little kid, sitting in the corner, pouting, glaring at your parents, and thinking, “When I grow up I’m going to eat chocolate all the time.” Perhaps you took it a little further, observed society as a whole, and wondered why all other foods weren’t merely a supplement to chocolate. You did? Okay, see, that’s why we should totally be friends on facebook.

As kindred spirits, then you are like me and get a little irritated when society puts these weird rules on us as to when we’re all supposed to be eating chocolate. We’re adults (for the most part), and can make our own decisions now (most of the time)! No one is going to tell US when we can and can’t eat chocolate. However, like most things, reason gets in the way and there ARE actually times when we cannot/should not eat chocolate.

When Should I NOT Eat Emily’s Chocolate?

When something else is in your mouth – Now, this rule does not apply when there is something in your mouth that would go with chocolate such as fruit, marsh mellows, more chocolate, etc. But to stay alive, you must consume other foods that aren’t so great with chocolate such as salad or BLT sandwiches. Take it from us, if those things were good in your mouth at the same time as chocolate, we would have already covered them and offered them on the website.

When you are choking – If you are choking, 9 out of 10 medical professionals will recommend not eating anything else until you take care of the obstruction (and that 10^th medical professional probably didn’t understand the question because you asked it while you were choking). This is a dilemma that many a chocolate lovers experience because, what if you are choking on a piece of chocolate? We understand, but let’s rationalize this: 1) chocolate melts so there’s a chance you could survive until it melts in order not to waste it and 2) chocolate would never do anything to hurt you. Yet, there you are turning blue. We recommend you seek immediate medical attention, because, though eating chocolate has made you feel better in the past, probably not in this instance.

When someone else is eating that same piece of chocolate you feel you should be eating – I know, I know. You’re watching their mouth move. You know the chocolate is in there. Is it fair? No…no it isn’t. But it is what it is. You could tackle them and force them to spit it out, but really, what does that achieve? Yes, chocolate…but is half eaten chocolate really what you want? This doesn’t seem to be getting through. Okay, try not to hurt them.

When the chocolate is evidence in an ongoing investigation – You’re sitting in the jury box and the chocolate is sitting on the evidence table next to the knife, rope, duct tape, and crime scene photos. Boy, does it look good just lying there. You could probably ask the judge to send the evidence into the jury room for “closer examination.” Do you think they’d notice? Maybe if you left half…still…only a bite would mean you’re tampering with evidence. And then there’s the fact that someone’s future could be at stake. But what about YOUR future, i.e., your chocolate future? This is an ethical dilemma that all chocolate lovers must face at one point or another…or not.

The 5 second rule – You have probably heard of the five second rule, but if you haven’t, it is a concept that the faster you retrieve food after it has dropped on the floor, the lower the chance that it will pick up bacteria, generally in about 5 seconds. This idea has since been confirmed, but still, bacteria gets on it and no amount of blowing will adequately clean it. This is when we revisit the benefits of chocolate:

Fact – Bacteria is a oxidant.

Fact – Chocolate is an antioxidant.

See? They cancel each other out. Of course, this depends on the cleanliness of the floor or whether it is a floor at all and actually “the ground.” Yes, the ground is LIKE a floor, but not the same. Also, we all count 5 seconds differently. Some say “thousand” or “Mississippi” between their numbers, but how ever you cut it, you should just leave it there or throw it away. (Yes, it’s perfectly fine to cry over spilled chocolate.)

Sleeping – Sleep experts say that sleeping and eating is a bad idea. However, I have this theory: sleeping with a piece of chocolate slowly melting you my mouth could potentially induce the most awesome dream ever. There are a couple of things holding me back from trying this. One is the thought of having someone watching me while I sleep to make sure I don’t choke, regardless of whether it’s my husband or not, just sort of creeps me out. Another is what it will do the pillowcases. I have old pillow cases that I could try this with, but what if it seeps through? The brown stains on the pillow are just too much for me to handle. Sure, they’re covered with another pillow case, but I’m aware they’re there. I don’t know, it just sounds like a big hassle, but feel free to try it (only under creepy observation).

During a dentist appointment – Dentists generally frown upon their patients eating chocolate during the examination. You’re trying to enjoy a delicious Emily’s chocolate and they’re standing there with their little hooked sprayer thingy, ruining it. Frankly, it’s just rude, am-I-right? So we recommend, instead of fighting it, just leave the chocolate in your purse until they are done with all of the scraping, spraying, and drilling. It’s probably better for your teeth anyway. Well…that’s what we can tell ourselves.

Emily’s Chocolate is Really Great Anytime

We’re not kidding here when we say that there isn’t a moment that isn’t good for Emliy’s chocolate. Think about it, we mentioned some times above, but they’re all just really annoying times, not totally prohibitive (except the choking part, we really mean that one). The next time you are somewhere in a situation that may be “inappropriate” to eat chocolate, try popping a chocolate covered blueberry and see what happens. I’ll tell you what will happen, nothing. But if something does happen, we’re sorry. Being an adult is not all it’s cracked up to be sometimes.

We have lots of yummy stuff:

• Milk Chocolate Stuff
• Dark Chocolate Stuff
• Crunchy Chocolate Stuff

Ask A Chocolate Nut

We at Emily’s know that our nuts are superior to other nuts, but many of the general public are unaware of that fact. So we thought we would open up one of our brightest nuts to questions from our customers. Today we have a very special cashew that we have covered with chocolate and set in a room with a laptop. How does a cashew know how to use a computer? We have no idea, we were as surprised as you were.

Q: Dear Chocolate Nut,

My husband leaves hair in the sink every time he shaves. I point it out, I ask him to clean it up, but it’s like he’s not listening to me and now I’m at a point of exasperation. What should I do?

Sincerely,

A Hairy Situation

P.S. I love your chocolate covered blueberries.

A: Dear AHS,

Well, since nuts don’t have hair, I have no idea. I mean, not all nuts are hairless. Coconuts have hair, but they’re not really nuts. I don’t know what they are. They’re sort of a tropical abomination masquerading as a nut if you ask me. You know what? I’m going to Wikipedia and check if I’m right. Just a sec….Yup, I’m right, not…a…nut.

I don’t want to leave you hanging though, so my suggestion is to gather all of your husband’s sink hair and put it in a sandwich for him. I know that’s extreme, but it gets the point across, plus it would be absolutely hilarious. Make sure you have a camera on you when you tell him and send the photo to me…that is, if I’m not eaten by then.

Hope this helps and doesn’t end in divorce.

P.S. Chocolate covered blueberries are a great antioxidant. I see the blueberries around the factory sometimes, but I don’t really know them though. I’ve tried talking to them, but they’re sort of “clickish” if you know what I mean.

Q: Dear Chocolate Nut,

I’m a wedding planner and always have chocolate covered espresso beans on the table in order to cleanse the guest’s palate between courses. But lately I’ve been thinking of making a switch. Can you suggest something?

Sincerely,

Wedding Perfection

A: Dear WP,

As my grandfather used to say (also a simple cashew who was elevated to chocolatedome):

“Never send in a berry to do a legume’s job.”

First, let me commend you on the bold move of using espresso beans to cleanse guest’s palates. But you’re right, unless you’ve paired the meal with a nice red wine; it may be a little heavy. What you need is something just slightly lighter such as a chocolate covered macadamia nut. You may be asking yourself how I know these things.

Well, I just got married myself last month to a lovely cashew that happens to be a male model. He’s been featured in all of the great fashion magazines, Bon Appetite, Gourmet, Food & Wine…look at me going on and on about him like a school-nut. My point is that we had mint chocolate cookies on the table at our wedding. I don’t know, we just figured having chocolate nuts would have been a little weird. It was a hit though, so you might want to try that too.

Q: Dear Chocolate Nut,

I actually have two questions. You see, whenever I eat assorted nuts my throat constricts and I need to be taken to the hospital. I’ve been rushed to the hospital 12 times this month alone for eating nuts. My first question is, why do nuts HATE me? My second question is, can I eat you?

Sincerely,

Nutty Nut Nut

A: Dear NNN,

When I first read this letter I thought to myself, “now there’s a dedicated connoisseur of nuts,” until someone pointed out to me that you probably didn’t get much of a chance to actually taste the nut before someone was shoving a tube down your throat. Then I thought, “perhaps the nuts DO hate you,” but after a few minutes of introspective soul searching I figured that was just impossible. Now I’m suspecting that it’s not us nut’s fault, but the hospital’s fault.

They happen upon an obviously intelligent, nut-loving individual like yourself and they suddenly start seeing dollar signs and…oh wait, someone just told me that you were probably allergic to nuts and that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Wow, this is embarrassing. I hate to see someone with such blatant psychological issues and need for attention that they would have to accuse you of being allergic and an insane person in order to crow-bar their way into MY article. Frankly, it’s a little pathetic. As I was saying, the hospital is probably conspiring against you and over the course of next month, after eating nuts, you should try a variety of hospitals until one finally admits that it’s their fault.

Good luck!!

P.S. – If it turns out you are actually allergic to nuts, please stop eating nuts…except coconuts. Apparently those imposters only hurt people using gravity.

P.S.S. – Yes you can eat me.

Hey, look at what we have:

• Chocolate Covered Hazelnuts
• Pecan Party!
• Chocolate Covered Almonds

Back to School Chocolate

We spend the year wishing we had more time with our kids and the next thing we know, we get what we wish for. June was wonderful wasn’t it? July came by and we realized that they don’t have anywhere to go today, or tomorrow, or the next day. Camp or sports activities help occupy them for a couple of hours, leaving the rest time open for them to focus on creating clutter and eating things the moment you buy them.

Yes, it’s like summer will never end and that’s why those of us that have kids (particularly in high school and middle school) view “Back to School” as sort of a holiday of sorts, so that we can go back to missing them. Back to school for the kids on the other hand is a stressful period of discovery where they try to pick the correct clothing and image that will accurately represent who they are at the moment. What many parents don’t realize is how important chocolate is to this transition.

Reasons For Back to School Chocolate

All of this stress can be very affecting on both child and parent, but chocolate can help. In fact, scientists have found that eating approximately 1.4 ounces of dark chocolate each day for two weeks reduced levels of the stress. And when has science ever steered us wrong? (don’t answer that) Believe it or not, as you read on you may even find that the Back to School chocolate isn’t just for you, but also for your kids. Do you think you could part with some of your chocolate? (don’t answer that either)

• Sanity – High amounts of stress can lead to such things as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Okay we are NOT implying that summer vacation and the stress of back to school can induce a crippling psychological effect, but we have been noticing a lot of our own hair in the drain lately from nervous twisting and pulling. Nothing fifty or so dark chocolate covered cherries can’t overcome…make that an even hundred.
• “Cred” – Here’s where the kids come in. Do you know what “cred” is? No? Well, its short for credibility. This is one of those nonsensical gauges for how cool they are in school. If they have things that other kids don’t have, these items add to their cred. These items include shoes, jeans, and electronic items. Does it include chocolate? It certainly helps when it comes to making friends (at least for the ten seconds it take to eat it).
• Bullies – We have all, at some point in our lives, had to deal with these unfortunate and powerless kids who feel the need to exert their frustration on others in a harassing manner. Chocolate can help by giving your children the energy to run away from them. Showing bullies that you have chocolate is a horrible idea. They may be unfortunate and disturbed kids, but plying them with chocolate just encourages them, and frankly, they don’t deserve it.
• More Sanity – You had some chocolate in order to reduce stress and bring some sanity back into your life. Going with this train of thought, more chocolate will just result in more sanity. If less sanity brings very very bad things, then more sanity can only bring very very good things, right? Is it even possible to have too much sanity? I think not. What does this have to do with Back to School? Nothing, I just like chocolate, okay, back to Back to School.
• The Brown Market – It is no secret that there is a healthy market trade system in school lunchrooms across the nation. Like the black market deals in more nefarious goods, the brown market (named after the brown paper bags from which the trade items derive) has a vigorous trade and chocolate is a commodity that is akin to gold. Emily’s has taken this into account already (see how smart we are?) and produced 1 oz bags of chocolate covered cherries, blueberries, and strawberries. One 1 oz bag could yield a handful of vegetables and a whole-wheat sandwich with low fat mayonnaise, because that’s what our kids are trading for chocolate…ahem, moving on…
• Bribery – Teachers love chocolate. We don’t want to give you the impression that your kids will get better grades if they bribe their teachers with chocolate, we’re just saying that it might (probably…will) help. Giving the teacher something like a bag of chocolate covered almonds for example may just turn that B- into a B+. You add those pluses together over a quarter and it could mean that your child is a B++++++++ student. Of course this still makes them a B student, but the best B student in the class and that’s worth celebrating…with chocolate.
• Focus – Your child may not need to bribe their teacher because chocolate can help your child learn. Bold statement, huh? Well according to WebMD, “Dark chocolate also has other powerful antioxidant properties. And it contains natural stimulants like caffeine, which can enhance focus and concentration.“ See? Don’t take our word for it, that’s from a source with MD in the name, which stands for “Medical Doctor” and Web, which stands for the Internet. We suggest you focus on the MD part.

Chocolate School Supplies

As you can see, chocolate is THE essential school supply this year. Sure, pencils and pens and paper may help them write things that the teacher says, but that’s all happening on laptops now anyway. Chocolate should be an item in any book bag. Thinking about it, that laptop might be getting in the way. Okay, leave it, they’ll probably need it.